My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
