Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
