They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
