hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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