i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
