Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
