My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
