Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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