he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
