I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My pussy is not your playground.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
