I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
