operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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