After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
