Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
