we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
