I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
