...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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