She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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