i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
