I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
