i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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