How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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