I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
