Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
