Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
