Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize