No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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