I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
