oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
