I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
