So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
