He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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