Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
