My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
