someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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