It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
