Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
