I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
