Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
