Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
