Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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