I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
