i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
