i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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