Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
