hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
