Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
