Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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