Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
