he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize