What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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