I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
