Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize