A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize