ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
