Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
