Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize