i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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