She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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