So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Randomize
