Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Randomize
