wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
