went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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