in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
time to smoke my breakfast
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
