i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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