her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize