i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
