im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
