Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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