A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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