Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize