I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
