Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
