Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
