Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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