And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
