He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
