i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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