there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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