My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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