Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
