i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
