I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
