Plan B is the new Plan A
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize