i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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