just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
