he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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