i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
