you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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