When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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