if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
