I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
