i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I die, sorry about rent.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
