youre lurking in front of me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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