Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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