I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
