I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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