five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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