Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
