Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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