Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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