exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
