dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
