you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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