it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
