..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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