SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
