i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
