I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
