I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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