This is not my ceiling
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
