Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
