1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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